Free Agent

I had a dream awhile back that I still think about: I had gotten laidoff but was told to continue to show up at my job--only no paycheck. So I'm in this delapidated building (usually buildings represent the brain, so I hear) and I'm at my desk on the top floor. I decide to go find some coffee, or whatever, anything but sit at this desk. I head downstairs and there's water everywhere--six inches deep. There are giant tortoises in a corner of one hallway. I had heard that they were "extras" in the movie some people were filming on the first floor. I found a kitchen, but there was only one tall, cracked vase. I decided this was useless, and I walked back out into the hallway as an Indiana-Jones-style rush of water was coming toward me from--where? AND there was a giant killer whale bodysurfing right along in front. It was black and white, had the face of a boxer (like a dog) and a grimace that should have been scary, but I had trouble taking it seriously. I stared for a second, mouth agape and then backed up behind a wall--the water and the whale rushed past, leaving me dry. That was it though; I had enough of this goddamn job. I ran into my made-up boss on the way back upstairs and said: I'm done. I'm going home and I'm not coming back. He looked resigned, and said, okay, just keep your phone off the hook for awhile so they'll think you're working. I think I said: whatever.

Let's pick this apart a bit, eh? Well the lay-off is obvious. I had gotten laid off in my real life. My job involved making phone calls--I loathed making these calls. You know what? I have no freaking idea what I was thinking with this dream! Other than the other obvious point: The cracked vase--and it wasn't what I wanted anyway. In life I tend to seek and not to find; furthermore, the stuff I do find is second-rate. What stuff, you ask? Well, understanding, for one. Direction, drive, ambition, love. Yeah, I just went ahead and tacked that one on there. How do you like that?! I wasn't even going to mention it because it's too big and too real and too cliche--love is a grimacing killer whale and I'm backing away. Love is the thing I couldn't find in the kitchen--in the building I wasn't even supposed to be in. I've informed the authorities that I'm conducting future searches on my own terms, and with a home-court advantage. If I see the killer whale coming again, I'll have to gather my courage and transform into a sea lion.